Forbidden fanfic: Helplessly
by Meyers Marie
Summary: a Darkest Powers sub fanfiction for the fan fic "Forbidden" by Eletha Landon. Derek didn't want to let Chloe go, didn't want to feel the shame, and guilt, and helplessness he was feeling - but what else could he do? Derek's POV after chapter 29, when Chloe told Derek she needed space away from him to think. Rated M for language and explicit themes. One-shot.


Title: "Forbidden" Fan fiction: Helplessly

Summary: a Darkest Powers sub fanfiction for the fan fic "Forbidden" by Eletha Landon. Derek didn't want to let Chloe go, didn't want to feel the shame, and guilt, and helplessness he was feeling - but what else could he do? Derek's POV after chapter 29, when Chloe told Derek she needed space away from him to think. Rated M for language and explicit themes. One-shot.

Characters: Derek S., Chloe S.

Genre: Angst, Romance

Rating: M

Words: 1,758

Disclaimer/Letter from the Author: Hello! This is Marie Meyers with my first ever _Darkest Powers_ fanfiction! Yayy. I'm excited to share this, because I love Chlerek. I read the series my freshman or sophomore year (such a long, long time ago, haha) and I was so damn upset when it was over.

I especially like the Chlerek AU, all human fanfictions. _Forbidden, A Rocky Road, and Strange Requests_ are my top three favorite ones, in that order. Well, ARR and _Forbidden_ are in a tie for first place.

I had first read _Forbidden_ maybe a year or two ago. On my fanfiction app on my phone, I saw it listed in my "Follows" and started to re-read it. I read every chapter and paragraph, unlike the first time where I was too impatient and only skipped to the romance parts. I found myself sucked into Derek Souza's calculus class from the eyes of an intelligent and goal driven Chloe Saunders. I at first found myself wanting Derek's point of view but then realizing how powerful the story was without it.

I was drawn into the detective mystery of it, which evolved the story from the typical College Professor - Student - Taboo romance. _Just who killed those girls when Derek and Royce went to college together? And why is it happening again? Why is it that the girls missing have had a connection to Derek? Why is the person kidnapping these people trying to convict Derek? Or are they? Is it someone close to him? Someone obsessed with revenge? Love? Neither? And, then, another question - why Chloe? What made him take the risk? What made him like her? Had he any notion of her feelings?_

These questions plagued me, and I realized that Landon did something remarkable: she transcended beyond the _Darkest Powers_ series. I forgot that it was a fanfiction at all, and saw her plot and characters uniquely her own.

And then, as if the rising action couldn't get anymore splendid - boom. A possible breakup, broken hearts, and a last chapter until the next update.

What am I to do?!

So very inspired by the Lorde song, "Ribs", which the beat is perfect for this story (so give it a listen!), I saw Derek, broken and afraid. Torn. Lost. In love. And I decided to write a sub fiction based off of the story I literally got shit on while reading - a bird shit on my phone, when I wasn't even at chapter twenty yet. (Know what I did? I wiped it off and continued reading, got to work, sanitized it, and read the story some more.)

The _Darkest Powers_ series is not mine. And the Chlerek fanfiction "_Forbidden_" also is not mine. However this fan fiction is. Please ask Marie Meyers permission before any reuse of any part of this fan fiction.

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**Helplessly**

_"The drink you spilt all over me_  
_"Lover's Spit" left on repeat_  
_My mum and dad let me stay home_  
_It drives you crazy getting old_

_This dream isn't feeling sweet_  
_We're reeling through the midnight streets_  
_And I've never felt more alone_  
_It feels so scary getting old_

_We can talk it so good_  
_We can make it so divine_  
_We can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time_

_ I want them back_  
_The minds we had_  
_How all the thoughts_  
_Moved round our heads_

_You're the only friend I need_  
_Sharing beds like little kids_  
_And laughing 'til our ribs get tough_  
_But that will never be enough" - Ribs by Lorde_

Derek narrowed his eyes into a glare at Chloe's back as he watched her go. He wasn't angry at her, not truly, though he wanted to be. He really, really did.

He desperately racked his brain for a reason. _I told Chloe to stay away from Royce, but she didn't. I told her not to be alone with him, but she was. I asked if Chloe trusted me, and she said yes, but secretly went behind my back. She stuck her nose where it didn't belong. She...Chloe, she..._

Derek was still glaring, even after she had left, staring disdainfully in the direction she had gone. He had nothing. Nothing that could stick. Nothing...he could actually be mad at her for. The truth was obvious, and he had already known, but surely, he had hoped - with desperation - there was _something_...

His turned his glare to the floor.

There was nothing. Nothing that could take away the suffocation he was feeling.

Derek swallowed thickly. Clenched his hands until his knuckles were white. Let his fingernails dig into his palms until he was sure they were bleeding, releasing endorphins that failed to relieve his pain.

"Oh, _fuck_," he breathed in a pained whisper, shutting his eyes tightly as he fought every instinct he had. He clenched his teeth, jaw working, forcing himself to remember where he was. _Whom_ he was. _NYU Campus. Calculus professor, Derek Souza._ How would it look if he ran out now, in a crazed frenzy, just to chase down Chloe Saunders, his _student_? At least, just his student as far as the administration was concerned. Not only that, but how would he possibly explain why he beat Royce Banks within an inch of his life, and how would any explanation given be deemed worthy of _not being_ put on leave, or - more extremely - _not_ fired? Even further, Derek doubted either action taken by him would bode well with Chloe, and, _fuck_, would she even speak to him again if she found out he did the latter? Hell - would she even speak to him again at _all_, after what happened moments ago -

_She said we'd talk when she returns from Buffalo. Relax. Breathe. You're not solving anything right now. And beating the shit out of Royce won't bring her back, or make you feel any better. Even if the damn leech deserves it._

Every nerve ending was tingling, making Derek restless. He couldn't just _sit there, go home, and wait_ \- he had to do something, anything...

But what could he do?

What could he honestly, truly do?

Derek was counting numbers in his head, adding by twenty-seven's and already at eight hundred sixty-four, when he realized that he was panting. No, hyperventilating. No - gasping. Everything flying by in his head. Every memory. Every moment. His mother - his first taste of love, first inkling happiness - and her disappearance; the jarring anger, overwhelming grief, and loneliness. Going day by day, yearning for his mother's voice and his mother's smile, her presence and her smothering, motherly kisses. Derek's mind flashed to Chloe then, so quickly it was as if she had always been on the back of his eyelids. Her beautiful blonde hair. Her bright blue eyes. The plump of her full, pink lips, and the way she whimpered his name when he touched her. Her impatience. Her quick tongue. Her frustrating pride. Chloe's airy laughter, filling his bedroom and echoing in his ears like bells and Angel wings. The warmth of her small frame against his own when he enveloped her in his embrace. Her taste, on his tongue, sweet yet somehow with a _tinge_ of tart but _oh so good_, and...

And the words Derek always had to hold back. The words that her breathless moans and beseeching eyes and radiant smile always nearly tore from his lips, but he held back out fear she'd not say she felt the same way.

_He loved her._ Derek loved Chloe Saunders, so completely and so helplessly. He had loved her for a while now. Hell, maybe from the first time that first day of class when she carelessly voiced her distracted answer to his equation on the board, and when her voice made him pause and memorize the way it sounded; to him, the when of it all was not that important. What mattered was that Derek was in love, with the most free spirited and beautiful girl he had ever met, and that his happiness with her dangled on threads he was begun to snip himself.

Yes, if there was anyone to be angry at, it was himself. Because, Derek knew, everything Chloe told him had been _right_. She had every right to lose faith in him; not trust him - and if he lost her now, her decision to leave him would be completely justified.

But, _man alive_, he wished with all he was, that she wouldn't leave him. In fact, although Derek had never been overly religious, or even barely, he now found himself asking if God would listen if he sent up a silent prayer; because he knew that - to lose Chloe now would be to lose a part of him he'd thought he'd never find again - he couldn't let her go. He'd fall to his knees and bare his soul - broken, bloody, and beaten - to Chloe if she asked. If he needed to.

Breathing harshly through his nose, Derek staggered to his desk chair and fell into it. Tapped his fingers restlessly on his desk. Eyed the papers upon it. He didn't want to leave things this way with Chloe. Didn't want her leaving for Buffalo with the new distance between them. He wanted her in his arms, where the world felt right and where something screamed inside him she _belonged_...but Chloe had asked him to let her go. Saw in her eyes that she needed him to...

So even though he hated it - even though it broke him - Derek couldn't fight the crippling love he felt for Chloe, or the instinctual urge to follow through with the decision that he knew she needed, the decision he knew righted her world he'd selfishly turned upside down.

So, in the end, to let her go - Derek, helplessly, did.

(Fin)

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AEN: Be sure to read "Darkest Powers" if you haven't yet. And check out Eletha Landon's fanfiction, "Forbidden"! Remember to review! Also go to my primary account and check out my other stories! ~MarieMeyers


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